


Immersion

by Miranda13



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Attempt at Humor, College chick gets into Star Wars, Comedy, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Funny, One Shot, Outlander Inspired, Post Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rating should be Immature, Reylo - Freeform, Satire, She assumes the identity, cracktastic, of Claire Beauchamp, star wars crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 12:54:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14355942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miranda13/pseuds/Miranda13
Summary: A college student visits The Last Jedi set and ends up inside the Star Wars universe. Inspired by Outlander's Claire Beauchamp, she figures the only way to return to real life is to find true love, get married and pregnant. Her Jamie of choice is Poe Dameron.As a true Reylo shipper, our Claire will spare no efforts to get Rey and Kylo Ren together. Things will not go as one would expect.





	Immersion

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE thanks to my wonderful beta [@colliderofhadron](https://colliderofhadron.tumblr.com/), who made this nonsensical, offensive one-shot worth reading! I hope you have as much fun as I did with this one!

She is super excited about visiting The Last Jedi’s set. Not only is she majoring in cinema, but Star Wars is the reason she chose it in the first place.

 

No need to say that, when she spots Daisy Ridley practicing forms with a wooden staff, she runs towards the actress without a second thought.

 

“Hi! Can I…?”

 

***

 

Slowly, the student regains consciousness. She was laying on the floor, dazzled by  bright light flooding her vision, whilst Daisy Ridley’s silhouetted face hovered over her.

 

“Who are you? How did you find us? Are you alone?” a furious Daisy demands, poking the student’s belly with her staff.

 

“Hey! That hurts! I didn’t know you stayed in character on set, you know, like Adam Driver...”

 

“Who’s Adam Driver?”

 

“Right. I’ll be good, I promise. Let me get up and stop poking me, please.”

 

The student gets up and looks around. Instead of the set, she sees a tropical jungle, _Quarter Quell_ style. She looks up, and there’s sunlight – real, blinding, sunlight - not some sinister artificial nonsense.

 

“Daisy, how long was I out? How did I end up here?”

 

“Who’s Daisy?”

 

The student begins to consider the possibility that she’s actually _inside_ Star Wars. The problem is, which version? Is it canon? Expanded universe? Shit, is it one of the _zillion_ fanfics she follows? Judging by Daisy’s – no, by _Rey’s_ clothes - she can set aside the AU ones, at least.

 

Also, how is she going to return to her real life? If it was anything like _Outlander_ , she would need to find her true love, get married, get involved in the war without actually solving anything, get pregnant, then return to her world. After 20 years, they would launch a new trilogy and she would have the opportunity to introduce her daughter or son to their father. Right, she has a plan.

 

One last issue: who would be her _Jamie_? Kylo Ren was Rey’s, _obviously_. She’d been staunchly _Team Reylo_ since TFA, and now that ship was canon. Finn’s got Rose. Poe it is, then. That is, if he’s not dating Finn in this universe. She needs to figure out what’s what here asap.

 

“I’m still waiting for an answer,” Rey presses.

 

“Are Finn and Poe having sex? Are you having sex with Kylo Ren or Ben Solo? Were you guys tricked into an arranged marriage? Did he or did the Force get you pregnant with twins? Have you surrendered to the First Order or has he handed himself overto the Resistance? Are you a descendant from Obi-Wan Kenobi, Emperor Palpatine or Prince Isolder from the Hapes? Have you heard of Matt, the radar tech…?”

 

“ _No!_ Just _… NO,_ to all of it _!_ _Gods_!” Rey is silent for a moment, looking at her appraisingly as she tries to assess her.  “Are you dating Poe? Is _he_ the one who brought you here?” She asks, gesturing to the girl’s BB-8 T-shirt. The girl inwardly thinks it’s a good thing her Kylo Ren undies were not on display.

 

She decides to assume that this universe is canon, and go from there. “I’m Poe’s girlfriend, yes. Take me to him, please.”

 

Rey rolls her eyes. _Shit, his bitches keep getting crazier. Fuck it, I’ll let him handle it_. “You got it, but stay quiet until we get there.”

 

***

 

“Rey! Are we holding a beauty pageant here, or something?” Poe asks smarmily, big smile on his face, totally checking the new girl out.

 

“Poe. This planet is supposed to be _uninhabited_. She’s not with us. You should be worrying, not flirting, idiot!” Rey says as she slaps his forehead.

 

“And you lied to me!” Now Rey was poking the girl again.  “Poe’s never that nice to a girl he’s already slept with.”

 

“Easy, Rey! Any fan of BB-8’s a friend of ours!” Turning to the newcomer, Poe continues, “I don’t think we’ve slept together yet. I mean. I _am_ Poe Dameron,” he stretches one hand, while the other massages his hurting head.

 

“I’m _Claire Beauchamp_.” The girl replies. “ _Enchantée._ ” She greets him with her free hand while the other soothing her aching stomach.

 

“Quit whining, you two! We need to talk”. Rey cries impatiently. Then, addressing only Poe, “we still don’t know what the hell Claire is doing here. She told me a bunch of nonsense when I found her.”

 

***

 

“I am from a planet called Earth.”

 

“Earth? It must be in the Unknown Regions. I’ve never heard of it,” Poe says cluelessly.

 

“I may have read something about it in the Jedi texts. I’ll never know for sure. These books are… _dense._ ”

 

“Why don’t you ask for Kylo’s help?” Claire suggests. In most fanfics, he’s a bookworm. Maybe there’s some truth in it.

 

“Kylo? As in _Kylo Ren_? Are you with the First Order, Claire?” Rey asks, assuming a defensive posture.

 

 _That’s it_ , Claire thinks. While she seduces Poe, she could get involved in the war by helping Rey and Kylo Ren realize they’re in love. Maybe it would make a difference to the galaxy, maybe not – that was not the important thing. As long as all the Reylo smut was secured, her mission would be successful.

 

She notices Rey and Poe staring at her expectantly.  Rey raises an eyebrow. “Claire does that a lot. Just stares at the void while we wait for her answer,” she explains to Poe, who looks utterly intrigued. “That’s why I thought she was with you. You like your women insane.”

 

“I assure you I can do some pretty crazy shit,” Claire offers to a wide-eyed Poe, “but the point is, I know for a fact that you and Kylo Ren are meant to be together.” Claire tells Rey.

 

“Claire, the last time I was on the same planet as Kylo Ren, he tried to blow me up.”

 

“Oh, you _know_ his heart wasn’t in it. You saw his puppy eyes when you were entering the Falcon,” Claire argues.

 

“What is she talking about, Rey?” Poe finally demonstrates a shred of concern.

 

“He wasn’t actually there, it was a Force thing, Poe. How do you know this, Claire?”

 

 _Right_. She should probably explain that… that on Earth, there is a special kind of Jedi, collectively called _‘moviegoers’_ , that has witnessed that particular scene _,_ as well as a bunch more. She should tell them that it is the will of the Force – that is, the director, the editor, the screenwriter, and many other earthly manifestations of the Force – that enables moviegoers to see these visions. She decides she would describe a couple of scenes that she couldn't possibly know about by any other means, thus convincing Rey and Poe of her _moviegoer powers_.

 

“Did you fall down and smack your little head on the pavement?” Rey interrupts Claire’s digression.

 

“Amazing,” says Poe.

 

“You’re mean, _British Miranda_!” Claire finally proceeds to explain everything, as rehearsed in her head. 

 

“ _Shit_. We need to take her to Leia,” Poe concludes.

 

 _Leia_? With Carrie Fisher’s passing… Did Leia still exist in this alternate universe? Meeting the General would be the ultimate proof that the student was, indeed, inside Star Wars, and not some overly expensive prank. Was she okay with it, though?

 

“Let’s go before her brain completely shuts down,” Rey urges.

 

***

 

“Princess Leia…” Claire greets with teary eyes. She idolized Carrie Fisher. It was heartwarming to know that she would go on, in a way, as this strong, fierce, wonderful character.

 

“Who’s this? What’s she doing here?” Leia asks Rey and Poe.

 

“General, I need to talk to you. Alone.” And, before anyone could question her request, Claire adds, “By the way, I know you’ve made out with your brother.”

 

“That’s a bit of a stretch! All right, you’ve got my attention.” Now turning to address the catatonic pair: “leave us.”

 

Claire states, in no uncertain terms, that Rey absolutely had to sleep with Kylo Ren. It was the undisputed will of the Force - Earth’s and elsewhere’s.

 

“What about the other, er, _moviegoers_? They agree with you on this?” Leia asks.

 

 _Fuck, she’s too good_. “Well, there _are_ the ones who question this ship, yes. They say it’s abusive, that Kylo has tried to kill her, he said she was nothing, and _yada yada yada_. But Rey’s a _fucking Jedi_ , she can deal with him. Besides, the most important thing is _grabbing those abs_ , I mean, saving the galaxy, right? Rey could _totally_ fuck him back to the Light. No offense, but your son is such a virgin! No wonder he’s angry all the time.”

 

“I know. Do you really think there’s hope for him? That he has feelings for Rey? Before I gave up and sent him to Luke, I tried to set him up with a _lot_ of girls, and even a few boys. They were very handsome,” Leia says, pensively.

 

“Trust me. He’s probably jacking off to her, right now.”

 

“ _Oh, my boy_!” Leia is emotional, with tears in her eyes.

 

“But that doesn’t mean there isn’t work to be done. We need to get that emo gothboy ready. He won’t see it coming. Can you get us some sexy bikinis, like the one you used when you strangled Jabba, the Hutt?”

 

“Sweetheart, we have a _whole squad_ of brave men and women specialized in _sucking_ , I mean, _extracting_ information out of the enemy. We’ve got the gear you need. Follow me.”

 

***

 

“Rey, I _need_ to see you naked. At some point, _he_ will, I need to make sure your material is good to go,” Claire urges.

 

“He’s not going to…” Every time Rey tries to protest, Claire would either claim it was Leia’s orders, or that she had seen it in her _Reylo vision_ back on Earth. Rey finally obliges.

 

“It’s no _Brazilian wax_ , but it will totally do! Kylo will be howling on his knees for you!” Reminding herself she had her own challenge with Poe, Claire adds, “where can I get a razor?”

 

Rey was already used to tuning out the crazy shit Claire spouted but this time, it seemed, Claire needed an answer. “What, Claire?”

 

“A razor? Some wax? A droid specialized in removing body hair?”

 

“Earth is strange,” is all Rey manages to say.

 

“ _Oh_ , that’s right. _Hobos_ on movies have perfect teeth, a British accent and no body hair… I hope it works the same way for me, here. That, or I’ll pray Poe has a thing for _wookies._ ”

 

“Where’s the rest of my clothes?” Rey hastily changes the subject.

 

“The rest? That’s it, Rey! You’re supposed to _deflower_ Kylo Ren. Do you have some kinky moves you can use? Have you done many aliens? Do you use the Force when your arm starts to hurt? Or your knees and elbows? Or your…”

 

“ _Gods_ , you’re actually saying it out loud, this time!” Rey’s exasperation is obvious.  She sighs and adds, more quietly, “just to clarify, I’m a virgin, too”.

 

“You mean you’re a _virgo_? Like, you were born in September?”

 

“I don’t know when I was born, Claire. So, _you_ are not a virgin? Are you married?”

 

“ _Why, oh why_ Disney had to buy the rights to Star Wars?” _Right, Rey likes to get an answer after she asks something_. “No, I’m not married, and _definitely not_ a virgin. Actually, I got a little freaked out with that _Anna Faris movie_. I made my shrink swear it had no scientific basis. Wait a second. I haven’t slept with anyone _here_ , yet! There’s still hope! I’m marrying Poe!”

 

“I much preferred it when you did the senseless rambling _inside_ your head”.

 

***

 

Leia’s spies sent word to Kylo Ren. Rey agreed to meet him alone, if he’ll do the same. She’ll give him Anakin Skywalker’s broken lightsaber in exchange for his help with some old Jedi texts. So far, he seems to have taken the bait. The meeting place is finally agreed, Poe will take Claire and Rey to Sundari, and Rey will meet Kylo Ren somewhere in the Mandalorian deserts, alone.

 

“Claire, we’re already late. Are you sure we need to do this?” a desperate Rey asks.

 

“Absolutely! It’s essential to the mission’s success!”

 

So, a flabbergasted Poe watches with his mouth open as Claire and Rey run towards him in their shiny, tiny bikinis, with the sunset behind them, while BB-8 beeps to the tune of Little Mix’s ‘Power’. _John Williams just won’t do this time_ , Claire thinks. It could have been a scene from _Baywatch_. If there was a beach. And if Rey and Claire had gigantic boobs.

 

Once they reach Poe, he can’t help yelling jubilently, “we’re winning this fucking war! Praise the Force!”

 

***

 

Up to that point, Rey had been uncomfortably playing along. Claire is obviously a complete lunatic, but she had been right about so many things, and she seemed so sure of this plan. Rey wonders if the outcome envisioned by the Force is this: Kylo Ren Force choking himself to death as soon as he set his eyes on her practically naked scrawny figure. Maybe that was it. _Oh, Gods_. She feels utterly humiliated and terrified.

 

“Rey, you’re doing that _Claire thing,_ ” Poe warns her.

 

“No need to worry, Rey. Show him what to do with your clit, and the rest will sort itself out. We’ve prepped for this,” Claire attempts to soothe her.

 

“I’m trying to get that image out of my head, Claire,” Rey begs.

 

“Rey, you shouldn’t keep the guy waiting,” Poe urges, not caring at all that the last Jedi was about to give herself to the galaxy’s number one genocidal maniac, as long as he got some alone time with the freaky girl from Earth.

 

“By the way, If you’re worried about what you might see, you should knock when you get back, Rey,” Claire advises.

 

“I’m outta here!” Rey escapes before she gets impregnated by the Force or something.

 

***

 

“Poe, go get us drinks,” Claire commands.

 

“What would you like?”

 

“Something much stronger than you think I might like.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I know.”

 

Poe returns back to the cockpit with the whisky in 0.01 seconds. Except, she’s not there.

 

_Oh Force, was she not real?_

 

“Poe, I’m on your bed,” Claire shouts.

 

He gets to his room in 0.000001 seconds and… Claire is completely naked. Poe opens the bottle, and takes large gulps of the liquor, as if it was water and he about to die of thirst in the desert. Well, they _were_ indeed in a desert planet, but that was not the point.

 

“You’re doing the _Claire thing_ , Poe,” she teases.

 

“Are you for real” he sort of asks, without the proper intonation.

 

“ _Bien sûr, mon amour_. Pretend we played strip poker or something. We both lost. Take your clothes off.” Claire crosses her legs, _Sharon Stone style_.

 

Poe drinks what’s left in his bottle, and obliges.

 

 _Bless you, Oscar Isaac_. “ _Good boy_. Are you drunk enough to hand me your personal comlink, with the password?”

 

“6969.”

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

Claire gets a bit distracted with some nudes she finds in Poe’s comlink device, then regains focus on her mission. She needs Poe’s personal code, of course, but she also needs Finn’s so that she can reach Poe when he’s not answering, Rey’s and Rose’s in case Finn doesn’t answer, and Ms. Dameron’s, when Claire needs to play dirty. When she’s done getting the codes she needs, Claire is ready to erase the ones Poe _doesn’t_.

 

“ _Chromed blondie_. Phasma? You’ve got her code?”

 

“Strong hands,” Poe murmurs.

 

“I’m not crossing that bitch. Maybe she’ll agree to a threesome,” Claire continues to scroll through the names. “ _Hugs_? Is that… Hux? Why do you have _his_ number?”

 

“General Organa. Toenails. Milicent, the cat.”

 

“That’s fucked up, even for my standards. _Hugs’ mother_? You have his mother’s number?”

 

“Carpet matches curtains.”

 

“Say no more.”

 

Poe dozes off while Claire deleted about three hundred (apparently) female names from his phone.

 

“Hey, _sleepy head_! Where’s Connix? Jessika? Apart from Rey and Rose, there are no Resistance girls in your contact list.”

 

Unable to form words, Poe only shrugs.

 

“I guess you just knock on their doors, _huh_? Okay. I’m done here. Let me get some pajamas.” 

 

***

 

Rey and Kylo hadn’t agreed on an exact location. Being that close, their bond would guide them towards the other. After a couple of hours, Rey singled out Kylo’s Force signature inside an old Empire prison outpost. Good. Taking her cloak off outdoors would be embarrassing, to say the least.

 

She left her cloak at the entrance, and walked toward her nemesis wearing nothing but the tiny bikini and boots. Of course, she wasn’t wearing _Leia’s iconic outfit_ – Claire made sure of it. To send a girl to seduce a guy in his mother’s clothes would have been too low, even if the guy in question had killed his own father.

 

Rey put on her best display of self-confidence. “Kylo Ren!” she shouts as she approaches.

 

“Kylo Ren? Not Ben…” Before he’s able to conclude his jab, he takes in the sight of Rey and literally loses his words. Rey notices something is off about him, but doesn’t give it much consideration – he never did have much control of his feelings, after all.

 

“I brought the books and the lightsaber. Its parts, I mean. If you want it whole again, you can reassemble it yourself,” Rey offers.

 

“Did you run into Tusken raiders on your way here? Did they steal your clothes? I can totally slaughter them for you, if you want” Kylo was trying to make sense of what he was seeing.

 

“ _N-no_! There’s no need to slaughter anyone.”

 

“Am I having a Force vision?”

 

That guy could be obtuse. “Kylo, I am really here. Let me show you what’s going on.”

 

Rey reaches out to Kylo, and he takes her hand. After a few moments, he saw the whole thing telepathically through her mind – Claire’s appearance, her predictions, and so on.

 

“So, this is part of a plan to seduce me? You think I’m going back to the Light if you do?” asks a perplexed Kylo.

 

“Yes.”

 

“You’re not going to succeed. You know that, right?”

 

“I know, it’s a stupid plan. I can’t believe I’m wearing this ridiculous…”

 

Before Rey could finish her sentence and return to the Falcon with her pride shattered, Kylo jumps in: “ _I meant the second part, Rey!_ The second part is hopeless! The first part, where you seduce me, is _totally working!_ ” Kylo Ren clears his throat and makes a pledge to sound less desperate next time he opens his mouth. “It’s the most brilliant plan the Resistance has ever conceived. Can you run along in slow motion like you did with that other girl? That was outstanding. _Outstanding!_ ”

 

“Kylo… if you’re not going back to the Light, why would I insist on this plan?”

 

“I assure you that the only thing going through my mind is _you_. If the Resistance was bombing the entire First Order fleet right now, I couldn’t care less.”

 

“ _Oh._ ”

 

“ _Yes._ ”

 

“I need to think about it.”

 

“Okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

After some weird staring on Kylo’s part, Rey comes up with an answer. “Strip. You’ve got too many layers on you.”

 

Just as Rey expects, Kylo Ren is no _Magic Mike_. Kylo removes each item meticulously, methodically folding it just as a soldier would. Rey’s mind starts to wonder how good he is at taking orders. Will he work her body _exactly_ like she tells him to, without complaints? Rey is already fantasizing about him, and Kylo hasn’t even taken his shirt off yet. After he does…it is just as she remembered. Except, this time, he is _really there_.

 

When there is nothing left but his Darth Vader boxers, Kylo asks, “is this okay?” He worries that _flashing_ her without prior notice would be inappropriate. Even if she can already tell beyond a doubt he is aroused.

 

Rey fails to respond within a reasonable amount of time. She’s on the verge of drooling.

 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Kylo supplies, as he Force pulls her to his arms.

 

Rey and Kylo proceed to christen every single room, every single cell of the abandoned prison, in every single way. So many years of anticipation and longing have given that man the stamina of an 18 year-old, and Rey is more than willing to take everything he has to give.

 

Having a Force bond with your lover means that one can sense what the other needs, one can feel what the other is feeling. It is like making love to yourself at the same time you’re making love to the other person. It is transcendent, beyond words, beyond any earthly experience. It is as amazing as sex portrayed in the movies.

 

Rey is almost tempted to leave everything behind and have sex with Kylo Ren to her last breath, but she needs to get back to her ship and Force heal her vagina. So, they say their goodbyes, and part their ways. Not before they exchange codes, just in case.

 

***

 

Rey knocks, as per Claire’s request. Yawning and wearing pajamas, she lets Rey in.

 

“Rey! The plan worked! I’m so happy for you!”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I have eyes. And a sense of smell. Tell me everything!” Claire goes on to ask every single embarrassing, intimate, nasty question she can possibly imagine and Rey answers everything. It is as though Claire has a list, and Rey checks, checks, checks. It is like Claire had placed a bet, and Rey keeps raising the bet, to the point of going all in.

 

“Rey, you’re such a _whore_! I can’t believe you let him fuck your ass on your first date!” Claire is overly excited.

 

“Well, he broke my pussy… What’s up with that face, anyway? You never told me there was anything unusual about it!”

 

“Some girls save it for when they want a new car, I mean, speeder. Fuck it, a threesome will do the trick for you.”

 

“Where’s Poe?”

 

“He’s sleeping.”

 

“Oh, I see. He’s tired because of all the sex you had!”

 

“Not really.” Claire explains everything in the tiniest details, including how she got bored after Poe passed out and decided to draw a dick on his forehead. Then, she regretted it, and searched the entire ship until she found something that not only erased the drawing, but also burned like hell. Claire relates that once Poe was fully awake, they shared a meal, played dejarik, tossed balloons filled with piss onto a few passersby, painted each other’s toenails (Princess Leia was on to something), then Claire got bored with Poe and sent him to bed again.

 

“Wow, you did a lot of stuff,” Rey observes.

 

“You _were_ out there for an entire day! We should really get back to the base. Poe’s mom is impatient.”

 

“You talked to her?”

 

“Of course! I told her I was pregnant. She’s planning our wedding.”

 

“But you never had sex with him.”

 

“Right. Go pilot this shit. I’ll wake him up and take care of it”.

 

“You’re the craziest bitch I’ve ever met.”

 

“ _Aww_ Rey! You don’t have to ask me twice!” Claire says, hugely flattered. “I’ll have a threesome with you and Kylo when you need a new speeder!”.

 

“Slut!”

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> There are too many references. If you want me to clarify any in particular, feel free to ask. Regarding the fanfics, I suggest you check my bookmarks. You'll find amazing works there.
> 
> If you want to chat, I'm also on Tumblr - [@miranda13ao3](https://miranda13ao3.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Kudos and comments are extremely appreciated! =)


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